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User blog:Gliscor Fan/Terry Crews vs Isaiah Mustafa
Terry Crews vs Isaiah Mustafa is a What-If? Death Battle by Gliscor Fan, between the two most well known Old Spice guys. Description It's basically an extended Old Spice commercial. Interlude Wiz: Since the dawn of time, people have been looking for a way to smell better. Boomstick: There’s been many shavers, deodorants, and shampoo, but none compare to the power of Old Spice. Literally. Wiz: So we’re pitting the two most interesting people in all of Old Spice in a match to the death. Boomstick: Terry Crews, the man whose muscles have their own muscles Wiz: and Isaiah Mustafa, the man with a voice so deep, it makes everyone's panties wet. Boomstick: Even if you aren’t wearing panties. He’ll make you wear panties. Trust me, I’m a doctor. He’s Wiz and I’m boomstick. Wiz: And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win… a death battle. Terry Crews Wiz: Some people say that Terry Crews is the strongest man in the world. Boomstick: But that would be an understatement. Wiz: Not only is Terry Crews strong, but he’s strong enough to kick down a building with a single kick. Boomstick: I wish my legs could do that. Wiz: That’s not even all his legs can do. His legs also have a secret rocket form, which he uses to fly anywhere. Terry: Puh-Puh-Puh-Puh-Puh-Puh Power! Boomstick: He can also survive without a head, legs, body, arms, brain, or in space. All he really needs is his muscles, Which he uses to play instruments. Wiz: Terry Crews really doesn’t have any durability feats that aren’t impressive. He once survived an exploding volcano and survived, turned off the sun with Old Spice, and survived long enough to create another sun, ran a motorboat straight into another commercial, and can hide his entire body in a box of Charmin. Boomstick: He can also create clones of himself. By doing nothing. Wiz: His voice is so powerful, that he can turn people into a vending machine using nothing but his voice. Terry Crews yells “chips” and turns a person into a vending machine, then orders chips. Wiz: … That’s an actual commercial. Boomstick: Don’t question the power of Old Spice, Wiz. Just don’t question it. Wiz: … Anyway, it’s also shown that Terry Crews can punch so hard, that he breaks through the fourth wall and hits words on screen. Boomstick: I don’t even know how that’s possible, but I can’t question things. Terry: OLD SPICE BODY SPRAY CAN CHANGE YOUR MAN INTO A MAN WHO SMELLS LIKE POWER! Isaiah Mustafa Wiz: Many people underestimate the skills and abilities of the other Old Spice guy, Isaiah Mustafa. Boomstick: I love that guy. Isaiah: Hello Ladies. Look at your man, now back to me, now back to your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me. But if he stopped using lady-scented body wash and switch to old spice, he could smell like me. Wiz: Isaiah’s main abilities are the fact that he can be anywhere he wants, at any moment in time. Boomstick: The ability of teleportation, and Transportation, I mean, he summoned a horse from nowhere, and created a motorcycle out of a hot tub. Literally. Wiz: He can also transmutate stuff, as shown that he can turn an axe, into an ore, or a goat into a harp, and then into fireworks, and hold said fireworks. Boomstick: He can also beat a lion in chess. Wiz: But when it comes to durability, he’s no pushover. He can rip off his mustache to reveal Skin, and then rip off his own skin to change it back into a mustache. Boomstick: And tank an entire motorbike full of Terry Crews to the face. That takes serious skill. Wiz: He’s also powerful enough to trap Terry Crews inside of a painting, walk on water, turn tickets into diamonds, and give his heart to every single person in the world who celebrates christmas… and somehow survive. Boomstick: He also owns a chainsaw. Isaiah: Did you know women prefer old spice one bajillion times more than lady-scented body washes? Boomstick: That man is the 8th wonder of the world. Pre-DB Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let’s end this debate once and for all. Boomstick: IT’S TIME FOR AN OLD SPICE COMMERCIAL! Death Battle Location: A River. Terry Crews hops out of the water and onto a beach, holding old spice Bearglove. Isaiah Mustafa rides on a horse backwards, hops off, and holds Old Spice Timber. Terry: Bearglove! Isaiah: Timber. Terry: Bearglove! Isaiah: Timber. Terry Crews gets really angry and runs over to Isaiah, punching him in the face. FIGHT! Terry Crews punches Isaiah multiple times in the face, while Isaiah is completely unfazed by the rapid attacks. Once Terry slows down, Isaiah grabs a goat and turns it into a harp, wacking Terry in the face multiple times in a row. Terry then grows a third arm and punches Isaiah in the face will all 3 arms, before jumping back a bit. Isaiah then jumps into a hot tub and summons a motorcycle, after running over Terry multiple times, Terry just stands up. Terry: Bearglove! Terry reaches his hand off screen and punches Isaiah in the face, forcing him off the motorcycle. Terry then uses the power of Old Spice to turn off the sun, to which the screen goes dark, and tons of punching sounds are heard. He then creates another sun to reveal that Isaiah is now holding a chainsaw, which he uses to cut off Terry’s head. However, Terry grabs his own head and starts beating Isaiah with his own head, turning the chainsaw into Diamonds. Isaiah then picks up the diamonds and starts throwing them at Terry. One of the diamonds launches him so hard, that he’s thrown into space. Nobody questions this because it’s an old spice commercial. Terry: I’m in spaaaaaaaaaaace! Terry then jumps onto the moon, jumps off, and then fist-dives straight into the earth with a meteor effect, punching Isaiah in the face, and causing a huge crater in the earth. Isaiah: Terry, Ladies. Isaiah looks behind him at a bunch of women, then turns his attention back to Terry. Isaiah: Look at me. Now at your muscles. Now back at me. I’m over here now. Terry looks over to see that Isaiah is several feet away from him, and slams face first into the crater. Isaiah then threw a cake in his face and summoned a lion to beat him in a game of chess, which Terry wins. Terry then digs his way into the earth, and pops out of a snowcone. Then goes back into the snow cone and pops out behind Isaiah. He then summons multiples of himself, all of which begin to punch Isaiah in several places, before one of them pops out of Isaiah’s beard and punches him in the face multiple times before Isaiah picks him up and flicks him into a wall, returning him to normal size. Terry: Bearglove! Isaiah: Timber! Terry and Isaiah then exchange one last glance, run at each other, both holding their own version of Old Spice, and slams them against each other so hard that the entire earth explodes and they’re sucked into the old spice can, revealing the new brand name, Old Spice TimberBear of Power. K.O. The TimberBear of Power floats along by itself, doing nothing but floating, before falling down and revealing itself on a table while the Old Spice theme plays. Result Boomstick: HOLY SHIT, THAT WAS TOO MANLY. Wiz: Both Terry and Isaiah hold magnificent abilities, but only one could come out on top. However, due to the fact that they can do practically anything they wanted to, the only thing that was holding them back, was the can of Old Spice. Boomstick: Old Spice is so powerful, it can literally destroy the earth and suck two people into it using just fists. Wiz: The Winner is the Old Spice TimberBear of Power. Category:Blog posts